Cheers!

Cheers to Dave and Shannon for finish their first marathon! Watching you guys run has been super inspiring for me, and woah, you guys are speedy mcspeedersons....excellent finish times! Very happy for you guys :D

Amok Office

Amok Office, originally uploaded by dorisaurus.

This happens so often the office it's about time we videotaped it and set it to the music that we hum while fighting. Yeah...ok we're nerds.

Microblogging - Let's go! (Just in case I time travel)

Now this blog will include entries from Facebook - I share so much on there I ought to document that in some way, for later self-reference. Sometimes I think about things like, wouldn't it be useful to know how to distill penicillin from moldy bread in case I am ever flung backwards in time to pre-antobiotic days, or crash on a deserted island (with bread.)

Thoughts on 30

Oh dear, was I supposed to have gotten wiser by today? 

Wisdom has never been my department, but I do have some thoughts that seem appropriate for the day.  Turning 30 never seemed like a big deal to me, nor did getting older.  This probably stems from a childhood where I was allowed a birthday party only once every five hears until my sweet 16.  And in that case, we skipped the 15 birthday.  So to me, every birthday is a chance to throw a party! 

Oh right, back to wisdom.  If I’m going to be honest, I’m developmentally about 5 years behind my true age – and I already did my freaking out about What I’ve Accomplished Compared to Other People earlier in my twenties…combine that with youngest child syndrome so that leaves me slightly confused about what things I ought to have learned by now.  I realize the age I feel physically will start creeping up on my in the forms of aches, wrinkles, and cellulite (hey that hit me in my early 20’s so I’ve had a lot of time to get used to it) despite my “youthful spirit” so…I’ve come to the conclusion at the moment that 30 is a useful road marker and that’s about it.  At the moment I’m not in a terribly retrospective mood to worry about what I haven’t yet done in life, but looking forward instead to all the things I’m going to do after 30!

Things I have learned in the past 30 years perhaps worth mentioning:

1. This is the one really serious thing on the list that the universe has decided to point out (see previous blog entry).  People you love will leave you whether by choice or because death or circumstances.  As you get older, it’s just going to happen more.  However, it does say something that you did get the chance to love someone before at all.  And the more people you get to say you love, the better.  One day you’ll leave them too.

2. Ok. Enough heavy stuff.  I learned sometime in these past 30 how to put on makeup that Makes Me Feel Pretty!  Huzzah.  It really only took like 28-29 years to get, and my teenage self really didn’t think it was ever going to happen, but I learned how to put on makeup!  And, in a coup d’etat, recently, I did someone ELSE’S makeup and hair.  Double huzzahs!

3. I have too many faults to count.  But it’s OK – now I realize there’s some I can try to fix and others, it’s smarter just to work WITH them and not beat myself up against the wall for things that will never change. 

4. There are plenty of things I’m pretty decent at.  I can bake a mean pie, good for nomming.  I take pictures I like to look at.  And I organize great Christmas parties with intimidating large amounts of food.

5. Now that I’m out of my twenties, I have more excuse to feel less obligated to do things I don’t really want to do.  It’s ok, I’m older and therefore more crotchedy!  I can say no with less guilt.  

Things That Seem Great to do Between the Ages of 30 and 31 list:

1. Marathon, Triathlon, Century ride between July 13, 2010 and July 13, 2011.  Totally doable.
2. Publish something.  Blogs don’t count, but self-published comic strips do.  I’ve always wanted to be a published author!
3. Save up money for my own place!  As many of you know I did move back in with my parents; I make a pretty modest salary so this is the fastest way to do it.  Aiming to be ready to look towards the end of 2011, although I imagine I will take my time about it.

Random, closing thoughts.

1. As I get older, the “Dessert First” quotient goes up, big plus!  (Cuz I care less. Not at the point where I don’t care, but one day I totally won’t.

2. I seem to be in better shape the older I get.  Bionic awesomeness surely awaits me by the time I’m 90. 

3.  I am nothing without my friends: oyster binge of 2010; The Infamous Mud Bath; dancing like a tribal cow while hurling Mongolian bowls; nerding out at the Star Trek exhibit, watching the stars from a rooftop in Thailand, pounding out the endless miles in summer heat, daily IM conversations (you know who you are!), diving face first into pie and hambones, astounding waiters at Mongolian hot pot restaurants at how DAMN MUCH WE CAN EAT, fellow shaving cream vandals, virtual coffee dates, Amok Time fight scene re-enactments, online shopping enablers, beach buddies, hike buddies, trek buddies, ride buddies, FOOD BUDDIES, museum buddies, piezookie buddies, a special vine dancing buddy…

Thank you. :)

July 7, 2010, sometime past midnight

This is the entry I didn't want to write.

My cousin is dying.  And my cat is dying.

It hasn't been such a good year for me in that I've spent a lot of it depressed and angry at things out of my control.  Which, I know perfectly well is pointless because well, out of my control.  It was out of anyone's control that fifty one years ago my cousin was born with a bad heart; that two months ago he sat down at home to do some work and his daughter found him cold in his chair.  I'm still angry.

One month ago I came home from a wedding to find my cat panting and weak.  I rushed him to the vet and he was diagnosed with a "highly fatal" condition where his chest cavity will fill with fluid.  A leaky valve, the vet says, and they usually never find a cause.  So maybe 3 years and 6 months ago, my cat was born with a bad valve.  They drained the fluid but the vet said it stressed him out so badly they thought he could die right then.  The vet said, the fluid will come back.

With my cousin we had hope at first he'd come out of his coma.  We'll never know how much time his brain went without blood, only that it was too much.  After days and weeks passed the doctors said, no.  He's not coming back, ever.  Brain dead.  So  his wife decided to wait until his fifty-first birthday passed and then to take him off the life support.  Do not resuscitate him if his heart goes again.   They took out his feeding tube; he has water, and a morphine drip to keep him as comfortable as possible 

It's not like the movies where the little line goes flat and you hear the beep - at least not for him.  It's been three fucking weeks.  I think every day is going to be it.

After the first few days after the vet I thought my cat was going to die right there.  They drained the fluid and he felt better for a little while, but it's coming back.  I'm watching him decline slowly knowing that soon I'm going to be the one who decides for him when it is time to say goodbye and I'm having nightmares about it. 

Ok. Um. I do take comfort in the fact that  if he didn't have time to get out of his chair, hands still on keyboard and mouse, my cousin probably didn't have time for fear or to feel it coming.  The family has had two months to get themselves ready to say goodbye.  And I keep telling myself even if I only have six months with my cat, that's six months of love I was able to give him he wouldn't have had otherwise.  Maybe fate knew he was going to have a short life so that's why he was given to me, to make him happy at the end?  (I don't really believe in fate or higher powers generally, but at the moment I'm believing in bad universe mojo.)  \

Waiting for something bad to happen is much worse than having it happen.