Hey folks. Has it already been 4 months since I wrote that I felt there was some bad mojo floating around?
I noticed there's bad things that happen to me the longer I'm stressed out about something. Very short term intense stress leads me to power through and solve problems. Short term intense stress leads to some panicked feelings. Longer term (a month?) of stress leads me to become a basket case - like forgetting things, knocking glasses of water over onto my computer. Feeling like every bad thing is happening either because I'm distracted, or bad things feel worse when I'm less equipped to handle them.
You can imagine what four months of high and low level stress from multiple sources is doing to me, and the result negative affects only stress me out more. Can we say bad cycle? I feel like every time I make some progress up these last few months, something comes and knocks me down again. Try to fix one thing and something else breaks.
It is very hard to not start to expect these bad things to start happening to you. To not attribute everything little thing into a string of never ending badness. Right now, this moment, I can't sleep and I feel like I'm trying to hold myself and life all together but it's not quite working. I ask myself, are things really so bad? Really? Things could be a lot worse, right?
Tell you what, though. I'm up at 3 whatever o clock and I feel bad.
